“I’ve been thinking about things that you need to remember. And this is really important and I expect this of each of you:

to work at the edge of your knowledge using all your capabilities to meet the broken and the poor never forgetting you’re one of them.” 

I’m not sure I understand, God.

“That’s just the point – isn’t it. By the way, I may be a little late tomorrow. I’m meeting with my travel agent.”

Yesterday, you mentioned that there were things that we’re getting wrong. Could you give an example of something that ranks high on that list?
“Absolutely. Last evening I was having dinner discussing compassion with a friend and they said it perfectly… 

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”― Pema Chödrön
By: Aryan Adam
 

About what?

What might I be getting wrong?
What’s it costing me?
What do  think I know that I really know nothing it?
What do I need to remember?
What do I need to forget?
What do I need to remember to forget and forget to remember?

“I give up….call me whatever works for you.” 

You’ve got an interesting look today, Father.”

“Thank you.”

Today’s Mother’s Day. Any particular reflections?

“Hi Mom, Happy Mother’s Day. Thanks for sending me the photo of us in front of Starbucks.   It’s my screen saver. Thanks for putting up with me all these years and don’t forget I love you.”

God did you have a pet as a boy?
“Fido. That dog got me into more trouble then you can imagine.”

Is it true that the view from your kitchen window is pretty amazing?

“At the moment I’m living in a penthouse in Manhattan on the 612th floor. And yes the view is amazing. It’s about location, location, location and being willing to pay some big bucks.”

“Excuse me….I need to read this text message.”
Jesus, I heard you’re doing a bunch of interviews. Be a good boy, watch your temper and put some socks on….XOXOX Mom.

“With all due respect, it’s God, just GOD. And how are you supposed to recognize me…that’s just the point. Didn’t anyone teach you that I’m everywhere and that all of creation is created in my image and likeness.? Besides, you don’t seem to have a problem recognizing me when you know it’s me. Think about it.

I’ve always been curious about the “throne of God.” I bet it’s really impressive.

“I have a picture on my i phone….hold on a sec. It suites me don’t you think and it’s comfortable   and portable.

God, what word or phrase do you most over use?

“Truly I tell you…I’m not really sure.”

What’s you’re favorite color?

“Transparent.”

God, can we count on you to come back tomorrow and spend some time with us”

“I’ll check my calendar and have my people get back to you.” 

“Again, just call me God.”

What’s the most fun thing you’ve ever done?

“Walking on water and making it look easy. Although I have to say, raising holy hell in the Temple was pretty cool. Oh, and not to forget the whole ark thing with Noah. Bet you didn’t know I hitched a ride as a giraffe.” 

Who is the greatest love of your life?

“My Mother…what would you expect a good Jewish boy like me to say. Even more importantly, is my love of all of creation.” I did a pretty good job – don’t you think.”

Indeed you did, God. What would you say is your most marked characteristic?

“There’s two actually…my attention to detail and my ability to look the other way when necessary.”

Who’s your favorite writer?

“Voltaire. He figured me out early on when he said that I’m comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh.  Dr. Seuss is right there with him.”

And lastly for today, God which talent would you most like to have?

“To sing like Eartha Kitt.”

Let me start by thanking you, Mr. God, for making history today. I think this is the first interview you’ve ever granted.

“First off, please just call me God. Secondly, I make history every day, but a lot goes unnoticed. That bothers me….but let’s continue anyway.” And for the record, I did an interview some years ago. It was ready to be aired, but got bumped due to some silly scandal involving cheer leaders.” 

Do you have a problem with cheer leaders, God?

“Absolutely not. I have a second cousin who was a cheer leader on the Temple Squad.” 

God, what is your idea of perfect happiness.?
 

“A good glass of brandy, a good cigar and a quiet evening at home with friends and family.” 

What upsets you the most?

“That’s tough…there are lots of things that really piss me off. Like my children not getting along, what’s happening to the environment, filling my gas tank, kids starving for no reason, people not minding their own business, my internet connection, and way too much email.” 

God, did President Obama’s endorsement of same sex marriage make you happy?

“That’s another example of things that piss me off….asking stupid questions. Let me ask you a question: how do you feel about it? I mean really in your heart of hearts. Too many people speak on my behalf and most of them are clueless.”

But the Bible says…

“What about it? I hate to break the news to everyone, but I didn’t write it. Have you ever had people put words in your mouth…try being me and see what happens. Offering opinions on and investing energy into things that don’t matter waist time and energy and piss me off. What about disease, starving children, global warming…read the paper. When are the rest of you going to figure out that who sleeps with who just doesn’t matter. Not being who I created you to be is wrong…not allowing others to live their lives out loud is a sin. For the record, I don’t use  that word [sin] very often.

What trait do you most deplore about yourself?

“My size 12 feet….try finding comfortable shoes. Other than that, I’m just about perfect like the rest of you.”

“You got it. People make all sorts of assumptions about me all the time. Hope that this doesn’t surprise you, but I’m really busy doing other things.”

Are you telling me that I don’t matter, that you don’t love me as much as the others? That makes me sad.

“Grow up and get over yourself. You should know better. I love you no matter what. You could say that I love you even though… in spite of yourself.”

“Look here’s the deal…you need to do things for yourself. Think of me as your partner. I’m always doing for you what you can’t do for yourself.”

“You don’t expect me to go along do you? Been there…done that. You go figure it out. I’m going to kick back today and catch up on my sleep.”

\

“Excuse me while I take a deep breath. I’m glad you can’t see me shaking my head. First of all you need a friend so you can play. Gee, ya think that means you need to make friends with your inner child first? Did you even realize that you have an inner child? The writing can wait….first things first.