The Interview – Part 1 5/10/12

Recently, we were granted a rare opportunity to sit down with God for a rather lengthy interview. It will be posted over the next few days.

Let me start by thanking you, Mr. God, for making history today. I think this is the first interview you’ve ever granted.

“First off, please just call me God. Secondly, I make history every day, but a lot goes unnoticed. That bothers me….but let’s continue anyway.” And for the record, I did an interview some years ago. It was ready to be aired, but got bumped due to some silly scandal involving cheer leaders.” 

Do you have a problem with cheer leaders, God?

“Absolutely not. I have a second cousin who was a cheer leader on the Temple Squad.” 

God, what is your idea of perfect happiness.?

“A good glass of brandy, a good cigar and a quiet evening at home with friends and family.” 

What upsets you the most?

“That’s tough…there are lots of things that really piss me off. Like my children not getting along, what’s happening to the environment, filling my gas tank, kids starving for no reason, people not minding their own business, my internet connection, and way too much email.” 

God, did President Obama’s endorsement of same sex marriage make you happy?

“That’s another example of things that piss me off….asking stupid questions. Let me ask you a question: how do you feel about it? I mean really in your heart of hearts. Too many people speak on my behalf and most of them are clueless.”

But the Bible says…

“What about it? I hate to break the news to everyone, but I didn’t write it. Have you ever had people put words in your mouth…try being me and see what happens. Offering opinions on and investing energy into things that don’t matter waist time and energy and piss me off. What about disease, starving children, global warming…read the paper. When are the rest of you going to figure out that who sleeps with who just doesn’t matter. Not being who I created you to be is wrong…not allowing others to live their lives out loud is a sin. For the record, I don’t use  that word [sin] very often.

What trait do you most deplore about yourself?

“My size 12 feet….try finding comfortable shoes. Other than that, I’m just about perfect like the rest of you.”


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One Response to The Interview – Part 1 5/10/12

  1. michele says:

    Love this…hilarious, clever, smart and…ah, so true! Keep up the brilliant work, my friend!